Sometimes, I dream about whores...

This is where I'm going to share my weird, awkward, weird dream.





I'm at a family gathering. I'm standing in the kitchen, talking to a sister of mine, who happens to be Rosario Dawson. We're discussing our cousin, Kimber from the hit tv-show "Nip/Tuck". And in my dream, she's just as easy as she is on the show. Rosario and I are sharing stories about Kimber and her adventures with our men. You see, we have a history with our lovely cousin. Ever since we were little tykes, Kimber had a tendency to steal our boyfriends and do unspeakable things with them: flash them under the monkey bars, kiss them on the tire swing, those sorts of things. As we got older, we came to accept that being a flirt/prostitute of some sort was just part of her nature. So as a precaution, whenever we acquired new boyfriends/husbands, we'd sit them down and explain how to have relations with our cousin: "look, it's inevitable that Kimber will try to sleep with you. It's just what she does. Whenever we bring a new guy around, she pulls up her skirt and relationships are ended with extremely hurt feelings. With that said, I'm letting you know that if Kimber throws herself at you, since I know it 's virtually impossible to resist her, just go ahead and sleep with her. This way, it's already out in the open and we can move on from there. Just please, for the love of all that is holy and clean in the world, use protection."



Luckily, Rosario and I had boyfriends who took our advice, got the Kimber Effect out of their system and were able to move on and devote themselves to us and our non-fire-crotch. As we're sitting there talking, our younger sister, Katie (Holmes) walks in and asks if we've seen her boyfriend (not Tom Cruise). Rosario replies, "I think he's upstairs with Kimber. I haven't seen them for about 20 minutes." Katie replies, "wow, already? She could've at least waited until I made the introductions." The three of us then have some beers and go out to the gazeebo to join the rest of the family.

...Feel free to disregard this story. I don't keep a dream journal, so this is one way to help me remember the crazy ones I have. This one bothered me because, aside from the fact that I had amazing celebrity sisters, it just seems like all of my Maury watching has started to spill over into my subconconsciousness.