While I was in Grad School, I became friends with a really nice South Korean student who liked to tell me the differences between South Korean and U.S. customs (this was seriously a daily lecture). I knew where the conversation would be headed because she made it a point to start with the key words “In Korea…” I knew that I was going to get some pretty interesting lessons about her home country, as well as some grating generalizations about America that she was hell-bent on believing based on her handful of years in the States. However, there were some nuggets of information that I found absolutely fascinating. Some of the things she explained to me included:
Generational Etiquette:
-younger South Koreans usually pay for the drinks if they are out drinking with their older co-workers. She was older than me by ten years, which meant that I would have been on the hook for large amounts of beer purchases. Luckily, being a poor graduate student got me off the hook more often than not. Drinking would play a big part in our bonding experience, as I will explain a little later.
-younger South Koreans usually pay for the drinks if they are out drinking with their older co-workers. She was older than me by ten years, which meant that I would have been on the hook for large amounts of beer purchases. Luckily, being a poor graduate student got me off the hook more often than not. Drinking would play a big part in our bonding experience, as I will explain a little later.
Workplace Etiquette:
-it is completely normal to have a "work husband" (oddly, my "at-home" husband is not on board with this idea). From what I gather, a “work husband” is just someone that you’re closer to in the workplace than anyone else. You talk often, go to lunch together, and possibly give each other back rubs. But that’s where the physical intimacy ends. There’s nothing romantic about having a “work husband”: it’s just an overly platonic workplace relationship. She had a “grad school husband”, a tall, dark and handsome fellow grad student from Saudi Arabia who was generally a hit with all the ladies. So it was just a natural fit, I suppose.
-it is completely normal to have a "work husband" (oddly, my "at-home" husband is not on board with this idea). From what I gather, a “work husband” is just someone that you’re closer to in the workplace than anyone else. You talk often, go to lunch together, and possibly give each other back rubs. But that’s where the physical intimacy ends. There’s nothing romantic about having a “work husband”: it’s just an overly platonic workplace relationship. She had a “grad school husband”, a tall, dark and handsome fellow grad student from Saudi Arabia who was generally a hit with all the ladies. So it was just a natural fit, I suppose.
Drinking Etiquette:
-when South Koreans go out drinking, it is typical to completely down the first beer as quickly as possible as a means of setting the tone for the evening/outing. And this usually set the tone to 11 because when you down your beer in a handful of seconds, you’re not there to take it easy. You’re there to have a good time and a good time will be had, dammit. And it was embarrassing for me, because I could not keep up with this tiny Korean lady who had ten years on me.
-when South Koreans go out drinking, it is typical to completely down the first beer as quickly as possible as a means of setting the tone for the evening/outing. And this usually set the tone to 11 because when you down your beer in a handful of seconds, you’re not there to take it easy. You’re there to have a good time and a good time will be had, dammit. And it was embarrassing for me, because I could not keep up with this tiny Korean lady who had ten years on me.
Touching Etiquette:
-being touchy was par for the course. We held hands often. We’d be walking to class and she'd either lock arms or grab my hand. Or we’d be sitting in the library and if she was telling me a story she'd grab the seat closest to me and reach out for my hand or leg. Here in middle America, a lot of people have been taught/conditioned to be weary of a person who you don’t know well touching you in what could be described as an intimate manner. But it was the most natural thing in the world to her to be comfortable with a person she'd only known for a few months. And because I’m not a blazing reactionary, I understood and accepted her friendship. It was comforting.
Enjoyment Etiquette:
-being touchy was par for the course. We held hands often. We’d be walking to class and she'd either lock arms or grab my hand. Or we’d be sitting in the library and if she was telling me a story she'd grab the seat closest to me and reach out for my hand or leg. Here in middle America, a lot of people have been taught/conditioned to be weary of a person who you don’t know well touching you in what could be described as an intimate manner. But it was the most natural thing in the world to her to be comfortable with a person she'd only known for a few months. And because I’m not a blazing reactionary, I understood and accepted her friendship. It was comforting.
Enjoyment Etiquette:
-she also had a very LOUD laugh and explained that that's how you show respect to a person and show them that you are enjoying their company: by being as animated as possible. When you made her laugh, the entire room knew that she was having a good time. And it in turn affected the rest of us and made us feel giddy and happy. This was amplified when beer was involved (see above).
In addition to learning about our cultural differences, she also presented me with delicious Korean cuisine that I’ve yet to be able to replicate or find anywhere else. I’m sure there are Korean restaurants nearby, but there’s just something about the smells of her apartment when I would visit that would make my heart flutter. She’d serve up Korean sushi, kimchi, rice noodles, beer, more kimchi, and did I mention the kimchi? I’m very happy that my first kimchi experience came from a home kitchen.
After graduation we lost touch, as she went back to Korea with her husband and children and I stayed behind in Kansas. I miss our friendship. Also, going out just isn’t the same without someone leading the charge with that first beer.
*bonus: she knew how to open a beer bottle on the edge of a table without fucking it up. she’s my hero.
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