Yes, I've been watching Tyra again. So of course this blog will be about the episode I watched yesterday.
Tyra featured a panel of women on two opposing sides of the marriage debate. On one side were the pro-single women, the women who choose career and freedom and feel that a man and kids would only hinder their grand plans. On the other side were the pro-marriage ladies, the women who have decided that being married and having a family was their career of choice.
Here's my short-and-sweet opinion on both arguments:
Not everyone is marriage material. To those women who feel that they absolutely need a husband and family to feel complete and that works out for them, kudos. If it makes you happy, do it. To the women who feel that they simply can't commit to the idea of marriage and a family and don't want to make a mistake by jumping into it because of social pressure, kudos to you too. I think it's fabulous that you recognize this ahead of time instead of jumping into it and being miserable.
Why did I marry Halbastram? Because I was very much interested in having a longer, much more complicated last name. Also because he asked. I never measured commitment by wedding rings, considering the man moved out of his apartment to be closer to me while I was in school after only one year of dating. That there speaks volumes. If he'd asked me to just be his common-law wife I would've been happy. A lot of people ask me how married life is and I never really give the answer they're looking for. Since we lived together and dated for four years before getting married, I just tell people, "it's like when we were dating, but with a combined checking account." The ring/ceremony/changing of the name wasn't this huge life-altering event some people were expecting. We still love each other very much. We still argue about the small stuff. But in a way, it forces us to work out the kinks because Divorce Court, while entertaining, can be costly.
And this stuff about not being able to pursue a career with a family? It's all about balance. Well, I really wouldn't know as I have neither, but I've heard things, and these things tell me it's possible.
In a nutshell, I'm happy I married the guy. He takes care of me when he remembers to, and vice versa. He kills the spiders; I wash the linens (and his socks and undies). The cable man breaks the tv; Halbie buys a new one in two days. Someone smashes our car; I deal with the shop week after week until it's fixed. I fail a class in college; he takes me out for ice cream. He loses his job; I mix him a Jameson Ginger Ale and listen to him vent. We just mesh. This works for us.
The only thing that could make the marriage better is if he let's me have Jake Gyllenhall as my "freebie". We're still working on that...
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lol love the freebie!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%. Marriage is for some and then for some it is not....I have always believed that if it makes you happy then follow it.
I really like reading about relationships like this, that are just not terribly complicated. Not overly romanticized or overly dramatic but just are a good support.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more. Everyone asks when The Boyfriend and I are getting married, and I'm sure we'll exchange rings and say vows at some point, but for both of us, we were married the day I moved to France.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to make an intelligent comment about this eternal conflict, but after years of raising two kids as a single parent while holding down a job in a business that didn't have ANY custodial single parents at my level, I'm just too damn tired.
ReplyDeleteI like your view. Pretty similar to my own. The man and I hadn't been dating for a year yet when I decided to move down here and try the whole cohabitating-with-the-SO-thing and now going on into the second year, I can say that I only regret the location. XD Whenever we get into fights about what a big selfish biatch I am, he always yells, "This isn't about you and this isn't about me! This is about US!" I think that sums it up pretty well. We're not married but we might as well be. The only thing that would change if we tied the knot would be some pricey bling on the left hands and how we refer to each other in polite conversation. It's about team work, one person supporting the other where they may have a shortcoming and ultimately combining different talents so that you can both succeed at this twisty game known as life...together. I was staunchly against having children of my own before I met him, but somewhere down the line (when we're both stable and ready for the challenge), I think a family would be neat. Relationships, not to mention life in general, is about balance. Find the balance and you can do whatever you want with ease, whether that's juggling 3 kids and a husband or a 8-6 career and evenings out with your best gf's.
ReplyDeleteI don't know when people decided they had to be on a side when it comes to nearly everything. Can't somethings just be left alone. I mean it's marriage, no-ones saying you have to get married and no-ones saying you shouldn't so why be on a side. People are getting so nitty gritty about everything these days, what happened to ones own freedom to do as we please. I think the real issue here is listening too much to what other people think, it's slowly destroying our rights to be individuals, and that is something we are all entitled too.
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